| "do you ever just forget what it was you went to the store for in the first place?"
i am not a text book christian.
today i found myself ......i mean... today i just felt so incredably fake. i feel like i'm just going through the motions.graduate, go to college, make parents happy. work, make money. "turn smile shift repeat" i want love to be real. i want this to be real. i want to make it real through me. i want that message to be written all over my face. i want to hold up to whats asked of me. do what is expected of me. i want to do as He asks. He lives with in me. He died for me. He is the love of my life.
I caught my reflection in the mirror on my way to bed the other night. it startled me. i think sometimes i forget this is life. not a movie. not a book. not anything more than real. i get so caught up in the emotions, the "what should happen" of life. i want it to be a beautiful story of outstanding character and love and confusing mystical magic that at the end you have to watch it again to catch all the hidden mystical love and humor. and it scares me. all these things that i've wanted. "a love that looks and sounds like a movie" i mean, what if i've convinced myself this is what life should be like. and really its not. i mean ok, i have convinced myself of that and now the scary part is ejecting the movie and stepping out of that dark theater. is it still light outside? just how long has this movie been playing. i cant even remember when it started. but i guess that doesnt matter anymore.
I want this to be real.
I need this to be real.
He is the love of my life.
ps. they played my favorite praise song twice today.
a seceret welcome back
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i gave it a try
but wasn't the best
we set up the still life
and the skull wasn't facing me
pastels are just fancy chalk
and art is something i'm finding i am not
but creating is something i do best
even if its not better than the rest
i suppose we shouldn't have placed it to the test
regardless i have come out on top of it all
with my drawings hung upon the wall
the ones my professor chose after all,
perhaps its as the story is told
this little saying that has yet to grow old
i think i can, i think i can
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| I suppose your sophmore year of college isn't expected to be the best, but woah dog, this year is dragging. I am so ready for thunderstorms, green leaves, big bulky clouds that look like teddy bears and whales. Could those late nights of summer seem any further away? I would be ok with some thunderstorms to help get me through this last semester of school, really i would be!!
hope all is well where ever this finds you.
laura |
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| College Text Books are a rip off. |
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